k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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