i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
