A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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