Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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