My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
