I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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