i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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