I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My penis needs a shock collar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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