i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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