Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
