just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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