Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
