Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
