She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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