i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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