I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize