Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
