I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
