i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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