Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just want to make out with him forever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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