it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
