Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
