Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
