i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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