she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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