forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
