i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
