Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
