Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
