I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
