that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
