Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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