I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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