sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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