I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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