mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
