Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
