I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was like eating out sand paper
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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