And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
