An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
