It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
