Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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