just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
