not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wish there were birth control emojis
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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