Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
