not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
