i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
