shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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