the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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