Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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