I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
