someone get that fucking seahorse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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