Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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