fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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