if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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