Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
