dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
