check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
