I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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