I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
