I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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