i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
