i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
