I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
