Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
