i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize