ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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