I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
