Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
