Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
